source: Peg Steep. "6 ways to spot a narcissist from day 1"
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/knotted/2018/05/6-ways-to-spot-a-narcissist-from-day-1/?li_source=LI&li_medium=popular17
1. has life on SPEED dial -- sweeps you off your feet
2. exerts stable CONTROL -- runs your life without even noticing it, forgetting your own wants and needs, tells you these are all "for you"
3. HOW he tells a story -- (a) he's the hero, (b) others are to blame, (c) thinking style: black & white, win or lose
4. WHAT he shares & doesn't -- stories inconsistent with observations & facts
5. social circle -- connects to people he can USE
NB: the 1st in the list is actually the person the narcissist is drawn to -- one whose emotional needs were not met as a child and so, confuses masochism with love!
Sunday, May 27, 2018
what not to do with narcissists
source: extracted from Dan Nueharth, PhD, MFT (2017) (blog at psychcentral: Narcissism Decoded) https://blogs.psychcentral.com/narcissism-decoded/2017/04/11-things-not-to-do-with-narcissists/
>Nature of Narcissism
-- deeply insecure, covered with flashy facade to hide emptiness within ("All that glitters is not gold.")
-- with a BOTTOMLESS HUNGER for attention due to a shaky sense of self
-- generally incapable of EMPATHY because it's basic assumption is "Others are worthy, equal, and deserve attention and compassion."
-- have a sense of ENTITLEMENT and GRANDIOSITY, with the belief that "Others are inferior and undeserving of compassion."
-- NB: rarely change: may alter some behaviors, but the underlying dynamics are generally there for life
DON'T: ...
1. take them at face value
2. over-share personal information
3. feel a need to justify your thoughts, feelings, and actions
4. minimize their dysfunctional behavior
5. expect them to take responsibility
6. assume they share your values
7. try to beat them at their own game
8. take their actions personally
9. expect empathy or fairness
10. expect them to change
"To hope that they will change is a setup. Rather, ACCEPT who they are and focus on how to take care of yourself around them."
11. underestimate the power of narcissists
Conclusion:
"We can have compassion for the deep wounds and limitations of people with narcissism. Yet compassion does not mean allowing others to hurt or use you. It is your responsibility and right to focus on how to best take care of yourself. That is not narcissism; that is healthy living."
>Nature of Narcissism
-- deeply insecure, covered with flashy facade to hide emptiness within ("All that glitters is not gold.")
-- with a BOTTOMLESS HUNGER for attention due to a shaky sense of self
-- generally incapable of EMPATHY because it's basic assumption is "Others are worthy, equal, and deserve attention and compassion."
-- have a sense of ENTITLEMENT and GRANDIOSITY, with the belief that "Others are inferior and undeserving of compassion."
-- NB: rarely change: may alter some behaviors, but the underlying dynamics are generally there for life
DON'T: ...
1. take them at face value
2. over-share personal information
3. feel a need to justify your thoughts, feelings, and actions
4. minimize their dysfunctional behavior
5. expect them to take responsibility
6. assume they share your values
7. try to beat them at their own game
8. take their actions personally
9. expect empathy or fairness
10. expect them to change
"To hope that they will change is a setup. Rather, ACCEPT who they are and focus on how to take care of yourself around them."
11. underestimate the power of narcissists
Conclusion:
"We can have compassion for the deep wounds and limitations of people with narcissism. Yet compassion does not mean allowing others to hurt or use you. It is your responsibility and right to focus on how to best take care of yourself. That is not narcissism; that is healthy living."
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